Cultural Balance

In Filipino culture adoption is not as widely embraced as most western cultures. Families often take in a neighbor or relative to help out in a crisis. But because of the extent of the poverty or moral failure or hardness of heart in some parents, they never come back for the child. The child is left with a reluctant family who is equally poor and just trying to cope with their own children. They feel used and resentful. The resent transfer to the child. Then neglect takes it's toll. Eventually, when the mother never returns, the child is treated as a servant at best. They end up working long hours in the house or farm and end up missing out on an education. They are also a low priority for precious calories. Nutrition suffers. Some of these families live day to day, just getting by on rice and salt two meals a day. One child who was left with a neighbor was left out at meal time and told "You're just adopted! You can eat when your mommy brings us rice."

So you can see why adoption is perceived as a less than desirable situation. Hopefully, a local pastor will be able to rescue the child and refer him to us. Or a neighbor will contact a government social worker who can hand the case over to Aloha House. That's when we are able to take in the child and track down the parents. The child has no opportunity for a real family till the mother can be located, counseled and assessed then sign papers. Otherwise an Abandonment case is presented at the Regional trial court. One mother we were counseling was persecuted for surrendering her child because of the hia (Hee-ah) system. It's a subtle but strong guilt structure that they are under when the family sees what is going on. The family will try to persuade the mother to keep the child, despite the neglect, unemployment and disinterest, but won't even offer to help them. The guilt is used to force the wrong decision. A decision that is not in the best interest of the child.

In most countries these mothers would be in jail for criminal neglect of a minor. But here there is little enforcement of the law. So we must maintain a cultural balance in working with all parties involved so that they will be able to see how we can help. We get to direct the child through the cultural jungle and into permanent families where they are welcome. That's God's plan, loving families.